Alienating behaviour: when a child is caught in the middle

Posted on 28 August 2026

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The first nationally representative UK study of its kind, conducted by the University of West London, found that 59.1 per cent of separated or divorced parents surveyed reported experiencing alienating behaviour from a former partner - nearly six in ten¹.

What is 'parental alienation'?

'Parental alienation' is a widely recognised phrase often used to describe circumstances where a child becomes hostile towards, rejects or resists spending time with one parent. However, the courts now focus on whether there have been ‘alienating behaviours’ – whether a child is rejecting one parent without any reasonable explanation other than things that a parent does, or fails to do, which cause a child’s reluctance, resistance or refusal to have a relationship with the other parent.

The court will only make a finding of alienating behaviour where it is satisfied that:

the child is reluctant or refuses to have a relationship with one parent;
there is no other reasonable explanation for this, such as that parent’s own behaviour or the child’s natural bond with the parent they live with; and
the other parent’s behaviour has directly or indirectly caused the child’s reluctance or refusal.

A child’s reluctance to spend time with a parent does not, by itself, establish alienating behaviour. There may be genuine reasons for that reluctance, including domestic abuse or other safeguarding concerns. The court will consider all relevant factors.

What can alienating behaviour look like?

Alienating behaviour can range from the overt - such as telling a child that the other parent does not love them, to more subtle, nuanced conduct that may be much harder to recognise, for example:

becoming cold, withdrawn or disapproving when a child returns home happy after spending time with the other parent, making them feel guilty for having enjoyed themselves; or
involving the child in adult issues by discussing the break-up, finances or court proceedings in a way that encourages them to blame or take sides against the other parent.

However, this type of conduct will not automatically be treated as alienating behaviour. The court must be satisfied that it caused or contributed to the child’s reluctance or refusal, with no other reasonable explanation.

Alienating behaviour can be a single, extreme incident or a pattern.

How does it affect children?

Children can be highly sensitive to subtle behaviours and absorb cues even where neither parent fully appreciates the impact.

Children exposed to alienating behaviour can suffer significant emotional harm, including anxiety, guilt and divided loyalties, feeling that loving one parent means betraying the other.

This can affect their self-esteem, sense of identity and ability to form trusting relationships, and may lead to the loss of an important relationship with a parent and wider family.

What can be done?

If you are concerned about potential alienating behaviours, the most important thing to do is take steps as soon as possible, before attitudes and patterns of behaviour become entrenched.

Speak to a solicitor

A family solicitor can explain your options, including negotiation, mediation or a court application. Keep a clear, factual record of relevant communications, any missed contact and any changes in your child’s behaviour.

The role of Cafcass

If proceedings become necessary, Cafcass may speak to the parents and, in areas where new child-focussed courts are operating, the child before reporting to the court. It will consider any safeguarding concerns, the child’s wishes and feelings, the reasons for their resistance and the effect of each parent’s behaviour.

What the court can order

The court’s paramount consideration is the child’s welfare. It will apply the statutory welfare checklist, considering factors such as the child’s wishes and feelings, their needs, any risk of harm and the likely effect of changing their circumstances. If in the child's best interests, the court can order gradual, supported or supervised contact and enforce existing arrangements. In serious cases, where the court finds that alienating behaviours are present, it may reconsider where the child lives. A change of living arrangements will not be made lightly.

How Mishcon de Reya can help

Our specialist Family team advises parents on complex and sensitive disputes involving children, including allegations of alienating behaviour, safeguarding concerns and child arrangements. If you want to seek independent and specialist legal advice, please get in touch.

¹Examining the prevalence of childhood parental alienating behaviours (PABs) in 18-25-year-old adults in the UK and University of West London GES Project Report and Alienating Behaviours summary

Frequently asked questions

My child has suddenly stopped wanting to see me, despite us having a good relationship. What might be happening?

There may be several reasons for a sudden change in a child’s attitude. If there is no obvious cause, particularly where contact is being obstructed or the other parent is making negative comments, seek advice early so the reasons can be explored.

The other parent does not say anything explicitly negative, but their attitude at handover makes their feelings obvious. Can this still amount to alienating behaviour?

Potentially. Alienating behaviour does not have to be overt to have an impact. Children often pick up on tension, anxiety or withdrawal, even when nothing negative is said. The courts are alive to the fact that alienating behaviours can manifest in this way and will consider the wider context and the impact on the child.

My child is reluctant to have contact with the other parent. Should contact simply stop?

No. Unless there are genuine safeguarding concerns, or a reason why spending time with the other parent is genuinely not in the child's best interest, parents should support and encourage their child’s relationship with the other parent. The court expects both parents to promote that relationship.

At what age can my child decide for themselves whether to have contact?

There is no fixed age. The court will consider the child’s wishes and feelings alongside their age, maturity and understanding. This is an elastic concept: the more mature the child, the greater the weight their views are likely to carry.

A child’s ability to understand the implications of a decision may be relevant to assessing the degree to which their wishes and feelings should be taken into account, but there is not a specific "test" in respect of a child's maturity when it comes to disputes regarding child arrangements. The child’s views are important but not decisive, particularly if the court considers they have been influenced by a parent.

I am keeping my child away from the other parent because I am concerned for their safety. How is that different from parental alienation?

Genuine safeguarding concerns must be taken seriously, but they do not automatically mean contact should stop. The response will depend on the risks, and protective measures such as supported or supervised contact may be appropriate.

Raise concerns promptly and seek urgent legal advice, particularly if a court order is in place. If there is an immediate risk of significant harm, contact the police or relevant safeguarding services.

I have been accused of parental alienation, but I am simply listening to my child. What should I do?

Take the allegation seriously and seek legal advice early. Listening to your child is important, but so is understanding the reasons behind their views, which should be considered in light of their age and understanding. For younger children, it may not be appropriate to leave the decision entirely in their hands. Where it is safe, support your child's relationship with the other parent and reflect carefully on your own behaviour, as the emotions of separation can influence children in subtle and unintended ways.

Could my child’s living arrangements be changed because of alienating behaviour?

In serious cases, yes. If alienating behaviour is found to have occurred and is harming the child and other measures are unlikely to work, the court may change where they live. This is a major step and will not be taken lightly. The child’s welfare remains the court’s paramount consideration.